I think it’s been 3 weeks since I’ve posted last. That’s a really long time. Has life really been that busy or have I just gotten that lazy? I’m kind of hoping neither, but in my surprise, I’m not really sure either way. Well, it’s almost Easter and this semester has absolutely flown by. Where the time since January went, I have no clue. I’m in a shirt and tie right now, which to anyone who knows my usual attire is a huge improvement, and it’s because I have to give a stupid presentation for software development. Now you know my sentiments on the matter. That wasn’t even a complete thought, as the original one got derailed immediately by my attire and class thoughts. Back to what I was saying. I actually like wearing the dressy duds. Looking nice is a welcomed change, especially when you look around you and know you’re quite possibly the best dressed person within a 20 foot radius. Ok, I promise I’m done with my narcissism haha.
I’d love to go into what has happened in my life in the last several weeks since my last post, but that would take ages I feel and I would forget at least half of it, so I’m just going to save everyone the time and effort. Anyway, prayer. This is the one word I’m using to sum up where I’ve been, or at least what I’m struggling with currently. I have to admit, I’ve been inundated at times with the “power of prayer” and its importance, but I’m finally beginning to see why and what all that really means. To answer the “why” question very briefly, it’s a simple matter of the fact that we were made to be in constant fellowship with God. I finally see how much I can have to say to Him, even when I only focus on Him for maybe a tenth of my waking moments. This foretaste has left me seeing there is more. It’s hard for someone like myself who does not believe Him to be who He says He is, because this really messes with the point of prayer. We pray, I pray because I can’t do everything for myself. When it comes right down to it, I can’t do much of anything at all for myself. He doesn’t have those physical, mental, emotional, spiritual restrictions that I do. Not only is He infinitely more capable than I am, but He is also compassionate and wants to provide for me. I struggle with this second part, therefore prayer seems pointless to me at times. I don’t believe Him to be my ultimate provider, therefore I don’t come to Him unless I have turned to everywhere else I can imagine. I need to be in control of my life, my happiness, my future, that I also have issue with His wisdom. Partially, I feel Him to be a little restrictive, but moreover I feel that maybe I can just know His will without consulting Him first. WRONG!He is the one and only person in this world or the next that won’t disappoint me or let me down. He provides and comes through 100% of the time without fail, but how conveniently short is my memory. His ways and thoughts are far above my own, therefore how can I possibly hope to know Him unless He reveals Himself to me on His terms? I feel like I’m a rock trying to understand Einstein. Sorry, but despite my poor analogy, it just doesn’t make sense.
I’m incredibly tired and worn down right now. I had a great weekend, relaxing and visiting family, but it wasn’t enough to make up for the sleep deficit I’ve been stocking up on the last couple weeks in particular. This week doesn’t look like it’ll provide any relief either, so I think I’m going to be needing to up my caffeine intake as well as my prayer outtake. That sounds so stupid the way I put it, but just know that it sounded good in my head. Just goes to show that I really don’t edit or filter my thoughts on this thing…Sure wish the weather would provide a much needed pick me up =/
Happy Monday..!