So, I’ll keep this short as I have to be up in about 6 1/2 hours for work, but I did want to jot a quick thought down as today was certainly an interesting and wonderful day in its own right. For about the first time ever (well, maybe just this semester but whatever) I got up early this morning and did some reading for the class I had at 11:00 which was somewhat phenomenal. Then I went to my classes and ate a solitary sushi lunch as usual and did some reading for New Testament which I’m happy I get to take this semester for no reason other than I want to =P. That was pretty sweet along with nailing down a time to work on a group project I have and then continuing to read the Gospel of Matthew in Para (I need to find a real home haha) and had a wonderful conversation about the humor and nature of God and how everything works for His purpose with a good friend. I said hi to some other friends and left to get ready for probably the highlight of my week…ok, so I think really Monday’s Bible study was the true highlight but just go with it. I played some indoor soccer and I remember why I’m thankful for that blessed sport. It was the second time I’d touched a soccer ball this week and it felt transcendental. Soccer is the only time you will ever see me openly aggressive, yet I am still calm and collected which is something that I find I don’t care to understand. Soccer is the greatest outlet for me because it combines both physical exertion along with the mental strain of calculating every move, every pass, every step and frankly, I’m good at that. Throw in a little electric jam session and you have the makings of a stupendous day, but it got better. After the game a few of us decided to hit up Chipotle…enough said. I have to admit I’m nearly exhausted after then being locked in the dungeon of Olsson, the Mecca of engineering CS students, for nearly 3 hours. It’s been a good day.
Honestly, here is my problem with the day. What did I do for anyone other than myself? Where is the importance if all I did was to indulge in happiness and bliss for myself? This is where I’m struggling here. I have spent the past 2 1/2 years doing nothing but what I wanted to do and keeping to myself however there are about 13,000 other undergraduate students alone here alone, not to mention staff, faculty and grad students. There is a greater purpose to which I have put the blinders on my eyes. I know I don’t have to solve world hunger, poverty or peace, but I believe doing something for someone other than solely myself would be a start.
In the story of life, I have to realize that I am but a supporting actor in the play written by and starring God. I’m following my own script, writing my own lines, but to what end? I accomplish nothing. According to King Solomon, all things under the sun are but vanity, yet I seek happiness and personal contentment. I do not say that when I am doing things motivated by God that I must be miserable, but happiness must not be a primary concern as it is now. I have to be willing to suffer for the cause for which I claim to have sacrificed my life. I still hold onto that life as if its meaningless is priceless. No, that wasn’t supposed to make sense, because it doesn’t. Let’s face it, I am incapable of living a life worthy of anything if left to my own devices. I am simply not that capable as I was not designed to be. I, like everyone else, was made to live in communion with the Great Creator who seeks after me with a passion that is unparalleled anywhere. Even though I know this, I still turn away from Him and try to survive and even thrive on my own, but it is all in vain.
“If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.” — Mark 9:35