As a preface, this post comes from an ongoing conversation/stream of consciousness spawned this morning as I sat in philosophy trying to pay attention, but failing miserably.

So, there was this guy sitting in front of me today complaining before class about his dysfunctional kidneys. As I had nothing better waiting for class to begin than to eavesdrop, I started to make fun of this guy in my head for being such a whiner. That’s when this thought slapped me in the face. We desire and almost need to complain for a reason. Complaining is merely an outlet for our souls. In our hearts, we recognize that this is not the way things were meant to be. We are longing for the perfection for which we were designed and created. Complaint is our acknowledging this fact and outwardly showing this agreement. I’m not advocating complaint here, I am simply trying to make sense of my own seemingly unending desire to complain.
Ok, so I definitely ran out of time yesterday to come back to this as I had originally planned, so I am now on day two of this post. i definitely see a monster post coming soon haha.
I really do love the weather we’re having today with the sunshine, the warmth and the breeze, but as with all nice days, I have to be out in it, therefore I cannot see a thing that I am typing because I’m wearing polarized sunglasses and trying to look at a dim screen in this abundant sunlight. I ask you to forgive the probably difficulty faced in reading this in light of these facts.
Along with the weather, today in general has been wonderful. Yes, I spent some time sitting in front of this screen working on a project that is due early next week, but I also enjoyed the heck out of myself doing it for some strange reason. I also had class right after that and even that was relatively bearable haha.
I have even more respect for swimmers after this week given my 2 failed attempts at swimming. I understand completely why swimmers have the best overall fitness of any athlete. It is an entire body workout that is also cardio-intensive. My personal best is 8 laps, pathetic I know. However, after those laps (not all in succession mind you, there were breaks involved) I was on the verge of wishing death to relieve the deep aching in my entire body that was being made worse by even standing still in the pool. To reiterate, I am pathetic haha. This must be the masochist in me, but I love it despite all these things.
Now I switch from the deep of the pool to the deep of life. Today, I had freedom spelled out to me in my reading of “The Ransomed Heart”. I went through an entire bible study this semester on freedom in Christ, yet I could not summarize it to save my life. It hit me that I live in a voluntary slavery. I have clasped the chains of unforgiveness and hate and contented myself within these confines. Freedom is being able to give to others, love others and be disappointed. I do not love in the reckless manner to which I am called, therefore I cannot be disappointed or hurt. This is my thinking, but it is horribly flawed. I am hurting myself by not allowing the possibility of great, lasting relationships or even the wisdom in pain and hurt, so that I might avoid a temporary pain that is less than desirable. O, ye of little faith. If I believe God to be infinitely powerful and caring, then who can touch me? I have literally nothing to fear. However, it is all too obvious that I do not trust God to this degree. There is a disconnect between my head knowledge and my very heart. Deep down, I have buried this desire, need and dependence upon Him, for some nonsensical reason. I have convinced myself this reason is legit, but now that I am reflecting on it, I couldn’t even tell you what it was, let alone its legitimacy.
Here’s to beautiful days that remind us that He does care for our well being and wants us to be happy. And here’s also to truly being free to enjoy this great promise.

I really need to listen to myself…

I almost forgot the title of this post.
This post is titled in honor of Green Day’s new single. I was listening to it yesterday and it got me thinking. I completely took nearly everything out of context, but this decontextualization makes a lot of sense to me. First of all, there is an enemy out there and I know I need to be aware of him constantly. I, alas, am not. Not only do I need to be aware of him, but I need to be actively fighting against him and not staging some polite quiet protest. I need to be staging an all out revolutionary war on this force that I have allowed to permeate my life and soul. “Silence is the enemy, so give me, give me revolution!” On this note I leave you.