I’m in the middle of a startling revelation that I’d rather not deal with right now. It’s not that it’s biting or cutting to my core (actually scratch that thought, it is), but really it’s just a further awakening to the reality in which I prefer not to live. In case any of you wondered, yes, I dream of the day when I see and envy the statistics and abilities of blogs like Don Miller’s, Jon Acuff’s and the like. But, the startling reality is the fact that I am where I am for a reason. Moreover, those blogs aren’t me; they’re not my race, my purpose.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.” — Hebrews 12:1–3
I mentioned earlier this week that I do most of my thinking in the car and before I fall asleep, but I have one more to add to that list as I realized while working out that I (and I suspect most) have a problem with being quiet in my soul. It seems that everything about life is go, go, go and do, do, do. Even my prayer life, which should be a rather quiet segment of life, is filled with me asking for things and trying to fill the “dead space.” I realize that I have a very difficult time just calming down and letting the world pass me by in a sense. I have a problem letting go subconsciously of the idea that time is money. If it were, I would have to be at least slightly richer than trying to save money living with my parents right now.
This is a major problem, if not the sole reason, in my desire to understand God’s purpose for my life. I feel we’re significantly handicapped by our fast-paced lifestyles because being still and quiet, waiting for God’s quiet whispers in the dark doesn’t translate…at all. No, I’m not really sure of the race God’s laid out before me, but I can’t imagine I’d understand any better if God yelled it out to me. I’m not listening and I don’t know how. I wish He could just give me the words so I could hear myself speak it, but I haven’t found it to work that way so far.
“I am the war inside.
I am the battle line.
I am the rising tide.
I am the war I fight.
Eyes open, open wide.
I can feel it like a crack in my spine.
I can feel it like the back of my mind.
I am the war inside.
“The War Inside” — Switchfoot
I feel like a broken record, but I can’t say it enough. We are our own greatest enemies. We struggle with purpose in our lives because the life we know doesn’t know how to slow down. However, we need to so we can stop and listen. Otherwise, we are merely buoys floating out in the middle of the ocean with no direction and no landmarks to give a relative location. We have a glorious and divine purpose, but it’s up to us to fulfill it. What are you doing today to quiet your world and listen for it?