I would apologize, but it would be shallow. And there are so few of you tracking with this—would you even call it a blog anymore?—that it's just not worth it. However, I've been silent for a purpose.
I moved to Denver almost seven months ago to the day. I've had a lot to work out before and since I got here. Truthfully, I feel as if I should have more of it in a state that feels solidified or concrete, but that isn't the case. Perhaps that's life in a nutshell.
I keep telling people that moving to Denver is the best decision that I've ever made for myself—I now have doubts. There's a longer answer into which I'll delve, but for now, I stand by it. There's so much more space for a person to be themselves out here that it makes the thought of having lived in DC laughable. Yet I love DC. Still.
Moving to a city thousands of miles from the majority of your friends and family is difficult. I have my brother twenty minutes away and his cousin—he's technically my half-brother, for those of you just tuning in—is less than fifteen minutes away (I used to live with him when I first moved out here). However, I needed to establish a support system out here. That takes time.
It would be so much easier to build a support system if I ascribed to a well-established belief system. I can't say that today. I've seen too much shit from religion as a whole, and I don't consider that a knock either against me or religion.
I will say that I'm unconvinced that I shouldn't pursue the clergy, but that may be another conversation. The more stories I hear about saints and mystics, the less convinced my seemingly ongoing night of the soul—as it's been called—appears to be more and more regular. That being said, I recognize this level of doubt and uncertainty has rarely if ever been espoused by the Church.
I started dating a woman nearly a month ago after being a groomsman at one of my best friend's weddings—yes, she was a bridesmaid. Cliché as it may be (especially since she was the only single bridesmaid who wasn't crazy according to the bride), we decided we were interested in one another that night. No, we didn't have sex. However, we established over text the next day as I was in transit that we both wanted very similar things out of life and in regards to a family.
I'm not entirely sure why I'm making this an independent paragraph, but this relationship between New York City and Denver has me excited. If I'm honest, that's a first for this blog. I'm not going to put inappropriate expectations on this relationship to the best of my ability, but it's nice to have something about which to be excited, especially when it's a relationship.
Friends, I have no idea as to how this will end, but I'm expectant. I know I'm a different person from who I was even six months ago. From what I know of her, she's been working on who she used to be. Furthermore, I love her. That escalated quickly. However, it feels appropriate. I suppose we'll see. In the meantime, thanks for reading along, friends.