Where Shall I Park My High Horse?

Breaking my rule once again, I kinda planned out this post on my run yesterday. The only thing is, that was yesterday. Let me back up a little, first.

So, I’ve been up here at the office working a “real” job over two weeks now and I’ve had a good amount of time to settle in. I’m the “tech guy” so based on the title alone I feel important, however it’s more of a feeling than truth as I really haven’t done anything more than some simple troubleshooting. OK, so I can’t do the surfacey, catch-you up crap any longer.

I feel like there’s a lot on my mind, but when I go to think about what it is, I just go blank. I feel like a dam, but because what’s ready to spill out is greater than the opening, it all just gets stuck at the threshold. Frustrating to say the least.

On my run yesterday, (sorry for being so scatterbrained) I realized how much we as human beings love to stare. I was running along a semi-busy road yesterday evening and I kid you not, every passing car had at least one set of eyes intently on me. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. And, yes, I know this because I was staring right back at every one of them. Why, though? I think a part of this has to do with our God-given tendency to be curious. I think another part of the puzzle is also our nature to observe our environment primarily through sight. How many of us just ignore things around us that are new and possibly foreign? I know I lack that ability. Of course, if you didn’t lack this ability, then you probably wouldn’t know about it haha. Anyway, I know my own tendency when confronted with something/someone new is to observe it as carefully as possible. I guess this really does help lend support to the claim that we, moving on to my second conjecture, observe our environment overwhelmingly through our eyes. I realize that any other method would be highly impractical and weird, but I was just fascinated by the mutual interest generated as I ran alongside the road.

So, I’ve mentioned multiple times how much I love music. I will proceed to do this again. I live roughly 50 minutes in rush hour traffic from the office, so I have a little time to kill once I hop in the car. I hate feeling like I’ve wasted time (i.e., my life) so I quickly realized that I needed to find something to do in that time to be “productive”. Lord, thank You for music. I decided music was the answer. I must be one of the more fun people to watch, because each morning is a worship session where I am performer and audience (well, the only segment of the audience I can hear). It’s such a huge blessing. I get to come into work everyday having at least a half hour of solid worship music. I don’t know about you, but that’s about the best way I can think of to start a day.

On that note, I come to the question of how to maintain a focus on Christ in the hours between my morning commute and going to bed. It’s easier to focus on Him when you have “God of Wonders” for instance blaring in the car, but not so much when staring at a computer screen or in the middle of a morning-long meeting. If I claim myself to follow Christ, I also have to consider my thoughts as conforming to this pursuit. Paul speaks of holding every thought captive to Christ in 2 Corinthians 10:5, so it’s obviously important. This saddens me even more, because of how important it is compared to how much I focus on this area. I think of the song “Everything” by Tim Hughes. If you haven’t heard it, the song is a great worship piece about how God should be in every aspect of our lives as Christians. I understand that I am human and imperfect, but God is most certainly not in every aspect of my life. It would be a lie to assert He is even in a majority of my life. Don’t think I am trying to be a glass-half-empty person right now, because I really am an optimist (questionable given the previous topics of this blog haha). Anyway, all this just to say that it confirms once more my desperate need for grace and sanctification.

Mentioning Tim Hughes reminded me of something I may regret making “public” to all but the person or two who may read this one rainy day while they are bored and accidentally happen across this post. Worship music played most in churches really bugs me. Well, it doesn’t bug me, as I like most of the songs. That being said, an overwhelming majority of these songs are simply too neat and pretty. My observations over the past couple decades tell me this life is anything but neat or pretty. Existence on this earth is gritty and oft messy (use of the word ‘oft’ just made me incredibly happy). While I’m singing songs like “Here I Am to Worship” I can’t help but think, “I really wish I thought God were the most wonderful thing to me.” Let’s face it, in a lot of cases (pardon the assumption) GOD IS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT OR WONDERFUL THING. This is why I have idols and other gods in my life. I am interested in the new iPods coming out next week, because in some ways I value them above God. Why then should my praise and worship not mirror this lack of dedication to my Lord and Savior? Why do so few songs sung in the few churches I have attended in recent months reflect and acknowledge this condition? Maybe I have a hyper-focus on my fallen and imperfect nature, but I doubt this focus is completely sinful. I feel there has to be at least a grain of truth in this rant. I’m not suggesting that our songs completely shift and only talk about how broken we are, because that’s prideful. I’m thinking of songs like “Satisfy” by Tenth Avenue North, where fleshly desire is recognized and then God is sought to overcome this shortcoming. Alright, I’ll get off my soapbox…for now.