I firmly believe a blog to be a free-form stream of consciousness so that is how I will write. Honestly, I’ve been pretty adamantly against starting a blog for the simple reason that I don’t really want to think about my life as something so important that several people should and need to care about it. I don’t diminish my inborn significance and worth, but I just err on the side of downplaying it for the simple reason that I was brought up to never boast. It feels great to have a computer once again as in my…wayward attempt to update my hard drive, I realized the process was a lot more involved than I had originally thought.
So, as I sit here on the couch in my living room with Reign Over Me in the background (sort of), Kyle’s cutting Michael’s hair in the foyer and Ross is finally eating dinner, I try to concentrate on what it was that I had intended on saying but it seems to escape me.
The cliche that life is a journey is entirely true I feel in my experiences especially as of lately. Looking at the first few weeks of the semester, my life has been anything but ordinary and boring and I cannot say that I would wish to change that fact. Between salmonella poisoning, working at Para a few mornings each week, conversations with an incredibly interesting man named John, the classes I’m taking this semester, my computer odyssey, and the other numerous things that have gone on, I lead a life full of surprises and countless blessings.
Speaking of blessings, that is something that I grossly overlook all too often. There is so little in my life that is not so much more than I could ever have hoped for or imagined and yet I find plenty of things to complain about on a daily basis.
I think if I had the energy, I could continue writing forever. I find this strangely therapeutic and enjoyable. I wish I had this kind of passion and dedication in my spiritual life. By calling I am a Christian, however I find that so often I am just the opposite in practice. It’s frustrating, it’s annoying and most of all it’s embarrassing. I am a fraud. I frequently do what I hate. I embrace my pride and become self-absorbed, unloving of others which is exactly the opposite of what I claim to believe in my heart. Oh, the heart. I realized I have a very distorted view of the heart. I was given a heart of pure love and caring that is capable of perfectly logical and beautiful thought. The heart is what we were given to commune with our Great Creator, yet I have spent my entire life polluting that beautiful entity and ruining a gift that I could never hope to restore myself. My greatest vessel of love and understanding of the divine and I do not care enough to seek that which is, to borrow a term from philosophy, greater than human. While I cannot hope to attain that which is greater than human, the great pursuit and the Christian journey is a beautiful friendship with the very perfection that we look toward and seek.
Well, I need to go play some music, but I think I will be back at this soon.