Who I am when I’m alone? It’s a question in need of asking and often. However, it’s not a question of who I am when it is me, myself and I, but a question of who I am when I am alone with God. The question may be best stated as, “Who was I made to be?” and I found myself asking that this weekend.
Adding to the noise. It’s easy to go on day after day, following the yellow brick road. It’s simple to just accept the societal definition of success and carry on blissfully down that path. At some point, I realized it’ll never end. I’m just now realizing I’ll never arrive at Oz. Sure, I may be a lion, but I’ve got no courage and what good is that?
A lion with no courage. I’m lost. What’s a lion without any courage? Well, it’s just a large house cat, but that’s not what it was created to be. Likewise, I’m not who I was created to be. I’m not following a path that leads me to the true form of myself. I’m not following a road that’ll eventually lead me home.
Arriving at who I am. I’m sure you’re asking at what I’m thinking I’m arriving. This is a great question and the answer is this: I’m arriving at a place where my soul’s delight is the delight of my Lord. I’m arriving at a place of harmony of wills. I’m arriving at Eden. However, it’ll take a lifetime to get there and I’m OK with that fact.
Who is the true self? Simply, it is the lion leading the life of a lion. In my case, it is a life devoted to leveraging my strengths, using my natural weaknesses, to rely on God to use me to light the world on fire around me with the torch of love. The true self is the version of me God created, unadulterated, to have the greatest impact on this world in need of love.
Where’s the path? This is the question that comes after the great decision to seek the true self. As people look different, so do our paths to arrive at ourselves, but I know mine runs straight to my Savior. The path looks ordinary, like the one Robert Frost wrote of many years ago. It seems ordinary and unused, but it is far from ordinary. Less glamorous, this road leads to life and life everlasting, but only for those willing to spend a life traveling it. My path just feels natural and it’s been right beside me all along.
How do I know I’m on the way? There’s a feeling deeper than the senses. There’s a calm, but there’s also a great anticipation rising up as well. It’s like I’m a child once more on the way to grandma’s house. I cannot wait to arrive, but I’m certain the road I’m on will get me there. Essentially, it’s a faith informed by the reinforcement of the soul. Where my soul finds God, I cannot help but rejoice that He is near and I am nearing Him.
It doesn’t make sense, this decision. It’s not normal or fundamentally sound, but by what standards? Society works in a way that emphasizes some, but shuns other personalities. However, if we are not free to be ourselves, then what good is a life; what good is being born? If I am not living my own life, then why is it that I am living and not that someone else in my shoes? The world needs you just as much as it needs me and no one can deliver that but you and me, respectively. Rather than deny the world as well as ourselves, let’s make the decision today to take the path untraveled. Let’s step closer to our true selves and pick up those torches of love. Whether you’re with me or not, I need to find out who I am when I’m alone.